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RelapseIt’s like counting
along your limbs -
remembering a time
‘just one more’
made you feel better.
- & you’re sitting there
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s
We fight for our dream.
We're just waiting to die.
The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.
The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.
So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?
Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?
Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
Battle in my MindEat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
I love you..
In The Daylight
In The Daylight
A false downfall
An unexpected revival
Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness
In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest
I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic
I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid
A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete
Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat
the name that cuts like a knife,
it's all that you see inside,
is breaking with every breath I take
the only thing I can't seem to face.
Ode to the boy with diamonds for eyesI think we were a collision course waiting to happen
And when I think back to the day when we first
Stumbled across one another, red sneakers hanging off gutters
Cherry cola voice overs and dilated pupils
We led one another on to believe in the night sky of connect the dot constellations
You wanted to dissect me and peer into the insides of my lungs
Only to find witches breath and dandelions
Slicing iron vowels you locked your hands in mine
And we fell into the static of dreaming disease
The operating table broke away to reveal a sky that never existed
And we couldn't help but laugh at the irony
Because wishing was never an option
wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.
she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"
in that moment,
we forget to exist.
Our MasksThe masks we wear are perfect
Never loose and rarely tight
They keep us safe from others
And keep our demons out of sight
They smile when we are broken
And laugh when we simply must
No blemish or imperfection
A creation that will never rust.
I seldom ever remember
Who I am without my mask
That to peel off that layer
Is such a daunting task
All others carry one as well
Wherever they may go
And no matter what is on their minds
Only the molded mask will show.
The lies they preach in public
Or the scars along their wrists
Are left mute to others knowledge
Ignorance is such a splendid gift
My mask is oh so perfect
Not a crack will show
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Nobody even asks my ideas,
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.
But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.
That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.
But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.
No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.
So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.
In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.
There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
Lost In ConfusionLost In Confusion
My mind is spinning without a rest
Emotions whirl and twirl around
A merry-go-round gaining speed
Until the world blurrs before my eyes
What's happening? What's going on?
The simplest thought slips away
Right from my mind, fading so fast
Trying to focus, I stare and stare
Until my eyes are heavy and unclear.
I don't understand, what is going on..
Emotions rise and fall again
Within the blink of an eye
I'm crying, laughing, and depressed
A roller-coaster ride that never ends
Am I losing my mind in this?
I try to close my eyes and rest
But the world spins me around
I feel like I am failing this test
Voices and noises echo
Deactivatedthere are voids and black holes
papercuts sinking deep into
only to meet the unmarred love
of bones, strong and
bare and pure.
dark oceans are bleached
into tears that leave nothing
but sea salt in my lips
and my words are injustice
to the death of
this is me
trying to be
trying to preserve the ardor
of your words
and the honey sweet taste
of your passion
how my lungs work
(when I don't read something from you
I die more than a little on the inside).
With This RingWith this ring,
I swear to keep myself pure.
To not give myself away until the night of my marriage,
To the one whom God has chosen for me.
With this ring,
I swear to avoid the temptations
That may lead me astray
And defile me.
With this ring
I swear to not only keep my body pure,
But to keep pure my mind.
To not think perverted thoughts,
To not corrupt myself from within.
With this ring,
I swear that all of what I am will be pure
For he who is to be my husband.
A small pieceStanding on cool ground, the air moist and warm causes fog to roll and creep along the earth touching everything in her sisters graveyard. Her eyes look down to her red dirt covered hands, rich soil deep under her once manicured nails. She tilts her head to the right, long onyx hair slides over her shoulder as she examines the mess she made. Her eyes rise to the red moon as a sigh leaves her chapped lips, a small smile plays wickedly at the left corner of her mouth. Abruptly she turns and heads inside the tall building to wash up and change. The warm shower erases goosebumps from her tan tattooed flesh. Scents of vanilla and honey wrap aroun
Silent Wolf. Crisp air greets her lungs with pure greed as the glass door eases open. Crystal blue eyes close as she takes a simple moment to enjoy such clean, fresh air. Air unlike what she is used to in the city. Letting a small sigh escape before placing one pale small foot across the threshold, then another. Her steps hesitant, afraid she may waken one of the many wolves sleeping with in the house. Such a large warm house, yet so suffocating. Her right hand grips her night gown over chest as she feel panic settle in with a familiar ease. Her plush red lip, bitten with worry over the years taste as it always has between her teeth. Step by slow step sh
These words they leave me so....
Each one like puzzle pieces....
Fitting together and leaving me so...
Reality has finally set in.
I'm off in the deep end.
How does one even begin?
How can one learn to mend?
When the beginning blends so well with the end?
How do you choose which to fix?
When its all a mess?
How did my life even get into this mix?
How have I become so much less?
When not long ago I was finally someone?
Now I find myself not even being no one...
I finally hit my lowest low..
I cant take much more...
I feel myself scramble to grab a hold..
A hold of something to fix this messy mold.
Something to make life worth so much more...
People reach out their hands, but I'm still so alone.
Autumn The ground speaks beneath her slowly moving feet, bare and tender. The wind dances against her goose bump flesh, and clothing of champagne silk trimmed delicately in charcoal lace. Lips of ruby stay in a pout to match her sorrow crystal lined sapphire eyes and worried ridden face. Each movement leads her to no where, yet away from some where she would rather not be. Some where, where the memories haunt and people feel pity for her loss. Yet not a soul knows for why she mourns.
She nears a trickling creek, her cheeks stain a slight shade of rose from the chill growing with the darkness. Kn
So loud, but no sound is heard.
So hard, but no progress is made.
So often, but there is no release.
So much inside.
To try to stay alive.
So many tears there is no escape.
From each and every mistake.
To try to avoid the cycle.
For people take offense.
To keep them in her life.
Because they eventually leave.
For life takes everything in time.
She doesn't fight...
To hold on to anything she loves.
She barely cries.
A million tears have dried on her face in so little years.
I Stand Alone.
I stand alone.
In this darkness I call home.
For my heart no longer roams.
Each person has taken a piece.
And leaves me there on my knees.
I feel my life crashing all around me.
As one good thing happens.
Many bad follow leaving me drowning.
I put up a wall to keep me safe.
Behind this wall there is no escape.
I try to stand, holding it all in place.
Keep in Touch!
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More